Expert Author Shelly Pitcher

We've been operating a certain way for a long time now - in our world, in our banks, our corporations, in our governments, every way we can think of - and it seems that what used to work just doesn't work any more. The old structures seem to be falling and crumbling, and people are standing up more and more for freedom every day.

Our world is changing very rapidly, and one consequence is that many of us are in turmoil over relationships that are starting to struggle or are in deep trouble, after working for a long time.

It's because we haven't upgraded our relationship skills to what this changing world of ours actually needs. What we're experiencing is an opportunity to upgrade to a new way of thinking and being, and an invitation to get rid of our old rubbish - the negative, controlling, fearful part of ourselves that has been our second nature for as long as we can remember - so that we don't repeat the mistakes of the past that got us all into this mess in the first place.

This is what the world needs, and it's what our relationships now need as well:

* Authenticity, Honesty & Transparency
* Freedom from Manipulation
* Rebellion against Dictatorship
* A Return to Kindness and Fairness
* An End to War
* Waking up to Injustice
* An End to the Nanny State

If your relationship is in any kind of trouble, it will be in response to one or more of the above in your relationship, and it will be coming from you.

Do you want to learn the new relationship skills to heal your marriage or build an incredible one that endures? Start where you are. Observe how you speak to your partner. Look out for your attempts to control him. Watch how you treat him. Be kinder. Be nicer.

Be willing to be vulnerable, to him and with yourself. Be honest with yourself, but be kind to yourself too. Is there anything of the above in your marriage? Would the man you love feel controlled or owned in any way? Is he tired of the same arguments and the same patterns? Does he ever feel he's in trouble with you and might be punished by a cold shoulder, the silent treatment, refusal of sex or affection, or just outright public humiliation by an embarrassing tantrum? Do you manipulate him, either through the unconscious 'womanly wiles' of tears, pouting and whining, or through sneaky attempts to get your own way on something you want?

That's the old way, and it just doesn't work any more. It's time for us to grow up and leave all the tricks behind.

Building a marriage that lasts isn't for the faint of heart. It's not for children or children in woman's bodies who refuse to grow up and be grown ups in a grown up relationship.



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